Life & Plans

So, last week I went to my cousin's wedding and took my camera. I was scared because it was twilight and there were just a few minutes left of light. I've been considering to promote my photography and get some money for school to pay for more credits and help my parents out but there's always something getting in the way, or just anything that scares me, like that awful thought "What if someone comissions you to shoot a wedding at night?", and I'm always answering myself "Well, I'll have to decline because I don't know how to take night portraits/use a flash, but most importantly, I don't own the proper equipment", and that's basically how I keep working and how I keep losing money. Many kids from my hometown are into this new wave of considering themselves professional photographers and most of them own great cameras and lenses, and stuff, others don't and still have the courage to sell poor photographs, only few take decent pictures. I know I sound bitchy but my point is I'm aware I could be a strong competition, the thing is, even if I feel like I might do well, I don't feel comfortable with my current skills, my lack of equipment, and most important, my ignorance on the topic. 

Okay, okay, I know I might sound like I'm fishing for compliments but I really am not! I'm a perfectionist with things that matter to me and I've always felt appeal for photography, that's one of the few things I can remember to like since childhood, and even after going through many creative blocks, I still find some time to capture something and play around with perspective/color/etc. What I want to say is that, I want to be 100% sure that my work is worth the money, I don't want to sell something mediocre, badly executed, blurry or simply wrong in every way an image is supposed to be composed (probably this last bit doesn't make any sense). Am I too obsessive? Am I wrong about this? 

Anyways, life. Weddings always make me think about the future, what is ahead and if I will succeed in whatever it is I want to do, but, weddings... weddings are weird. I remember when I was a little girl, I used to dream with the perfect dress, the perfect church, the perfect dance, and the perfect cake, now it is something that doesn't match with me at all. If I ever get married I want it to be comfortable and without social restrictions, I want my friends and family to choose whatever they want to wear and eat whatever they want to eat. It's just so curious how many people end up doing the same things with slight changes, right? I don't know, I guess I want to have a busy life before getting married, I want to know what's ahead before comitting, I might even have kids first before getting married.

Growing up is so hard but I suppose it's harder for those who watched you grow, isn't it? Whatever, I'll post the pictures, that's what matters! :)

I guess it is all so ephemeral, better make the stay fun I suppose. About the pictures, I think they turned out better than I was expecting (still, I think they're awful, terrible lighting, lack of equipment, lack of skills, repeat) but I will try to experiment as much as I can to improve!

Thanks for reading/watching even if you don't say hi! 

Childhood is hauting.

To me home is where I find my memories. You know, I've been having the need to travel lately (since I've been 15ish) because whenever I get to read someone's blog or someone's photographs, I always wonder why I was born here in a city where only violence is happening and ephimeral events are held. I mean, I'm tired of seeing the same streets and I could probably go out there and take pictures, I know I haven't explored the whole city but I guess I'm just too scared to go outside with my camera considering México's situation right now, which leads me to my childhood.

Sup! My name is Martha Beatriz, most people call me Martha while just a few use my second name, whatever name you use is fine by me. So, it's been a while since I've been trying to write a blog mostly because whenever I'm lurking the internet I always have something to talk about (most of the time is not very positive). Today I thought "well, why won't you write all your nonsense somewhere and stop bugging your friends/boyfriend with your repetitive rants?", so I listened to that inner voice and decided to make a fresh start.