GOOD NEWS

Yesterday was kind of a rollercoaster kind of day. I've been trying to push myself into shooting more personal projects without worrying too much about getting paid. I asked a young girl to help me out by modeling for me, we barely know each other and I was super nervous about it. I had something in mind but at the end I ended up getting super nervous. It didn't turn out as I expected but I ended up liking some photos anyways, and I'm happy I forced myself because any type of photoshoot is a new learning experience, no matter how short it is and no matter if the amount of photos you get is big or small.

I was very close to cancel it because just some minutes before leaving home I got an e-mail from the University's Newspaper to which I applied to work at as a photographer or cartoonist and it said to call to the office. Of course I was super nervous, I wanted to throw up. I called and what happened was that I got the two jobs I applied for, now I'm the University's Newspaper photographer and cartoonist. It's a big responsibility! I was so happy and scared at the same time, I started to feel extremely anxious considering that I was already anxious about the photoshoot.Still, I decided to get it over with and I guess nerves took over me to some point that I couldn't focus properly. Anyways, I'm happy about how things are developing and hopefully everything will be better soon.

The beginning of this year was rocky but good overall because I had a job last semester but it didn't turn out to be as good as I thought it was going to be, the good thing was that I had a good paid and I was able to save for my new camera. Prices ended up getting low at the University so I was able to keep some of my money for personal expenses. In short, I'll be able to upgrade my photography gear this year and that makes me very happy. Last year I didn't think I was going to be able to do so, I didn't even think I was going to be able to buy a full frame camera, but apparently things work out if you get over some demons. 

ORIGINAL

I've been struggling lately of who I am as an aspiring photographer. At times I want to work on conceptual photography and other times I just want to focus on what's real. I think these difficulties come from trying to find my own style and producing original things, but, what is original these days? I previously talked about smoke bombs but there are also other elements considered, again, original but they are really not. I'm really not going to make up a huge list and bash every element in it, but what I want to say is that in concepts like "surreal", "fashion", and "conceptual", many of us believe we're going to find what we're looking for. 

A very dear professor once told me and the class that nothing is original anymore and he's right. Everything is made up different things, nothing is unique in it's entirety, but I think we can be considered original and stand out among the croud by taking all these repeated elements and make them our own. With this I don't know if I'm trying to justify my constant blocks, my lack of activity, and selfconsciousness but that's what I have. I've felt immense in real topics, real events, and documentary photography, but I still need to find my muse. 

Coming up with enough courage to leave behind the feelings that stop me from doing what I love is really hard. I guess I'm very hard on other people which automatically makes me insecure. It's true that anything negative you put out there comes back at you with much more power and it is now when I understand it. I'm such a negative person and getting rid of all the negativity in my is going to be hard work; I really don't know where to start. 

But oh well. I'll leave you (to whoever reads this) some photos I took last month. I really enjoyed being there even though I wasn't familiar with the musician's work. His name is Celso Piña and he's very talented. He came to our city to tribute a very dear musician from our community who passed away some years ago. My boyfriend and I went to the event just to get out of routine. I'm so glad we did it and I'm so glad that even though I was afraid of being in such a crowded place with a camera I took it with me anyways.