Demotivational charge

This week I had the fortune to have two photoshoots. The first was with a family, my cousin's family; his wife called me a month ago asking me for some pictures and I was glad enough to do it that I didn't even charge her (not even a minimal amount). Just a week ago, another cousin called me asking me for a video for his husband and some photos, again I was happy to do it since I really need some practice and portfolio material, but then it started to get me. I was thinking of the money I could have right now if these photoshoots weren't asked from family. I really enjoy taking pictures, and most of the time editing them, but I've been feeling terrible since I don't have good equipment to carry on and I really have to fight in order to get some.

These are just a few pictures I happened to like a lot from the first photoshoot:

This is my niece, she's a very shy girl. When I entered my cousin's apartment I called her a couple of times and she ran to hide behind her mother. I asked my cousin's wife if she was shy or difficult to talk to, she just told me the baby was a little bit slow in terms of socializing but sooner or later she was going to feel curiosity, so I kept talking to the baby. I tried to ask questions and tell her I knew her games, that I was a kid too, and by the end of the photoshoot she was carefree and ran to me to have her picture taken.

We went to a beautiful place near their house; I wanted it to be in natural light because I still am not very confident with flashes (also I don't own equipment), so I tried to do my best with natural light. I told them to carry things for the photoshoot, they thought these were props but my intent was to have something that they could use as distraction so the pictures would turn out more natural.

It is hard enough for me to talk to people when I'm not used to (though I'm trying and I think I'm doing a pretty decent job), so it is harder to tell them "Hey, pose like this! Do this!" so when I take pictures like these I usually start by telling people: "Talk about something funny", the rest is up to them. 

My cousins were singing songs so the baby would dance and just after her dance, she dropped a bottle of glitter. She was extremely worried and everyone was mocking her (in a friendly way of course), so expressions like these are the ones I like to capture.

I feel happy about these pictures but now that I look at them I think of many ways of doing this job better; I suppose that's how it works. So, thanks to this shoot, I got one client. Since I uploaded these photos at Facebook, my cousins friends saw them and started making positive comments about them, so, one of these friends added me and asked me how much I was charging for a photoshoot and here is where I'm having a problem:

"Professional" photographers charge around 500-700 dlls for a photoshoot in my town and since I'm not a professional (I plan to become one though), of course I can't charge that much money! Nobody would pay me that much money for my photography! When this person contacted me, I told her I would charge her 60 dlls for 200 photos per session and 30 edited photos, she said it was great and she also told me about her little niece. I told her I would charge two sessions, so I now I will have 120 dlls in my pocket, but just after I told her the price, I banged my head to the table because I just realized maybe I could've charged a little bit more. 

The thing is: How do I balance the price of what I do? I was planning to charge small amounts of money and then charging more. I even told this lady that I wasn't a professional, that I was just starting and I was going to be cheap, but I want to know what's the limit on cheap stuff? This person thought 60 dlls was great, I want to know what's the limit, if people think that, I don't know, 100 dlls is a good deal for a simple session. I guess I'll have to investigate, it'll be hard. 

It's scary to be comissioned, I'm always afraid I won't do the job well, that something will fail at the very end. I'm also afraid to reject events because I don't have the right equipment to cover it. It's shameful and that's why I don't put myself out there, trying to sell a product. I feel like I'm still inside my nest, trying to fly and people come and feed me small amounts of food because I'm really scared to be out there hunting for my own stuff. 

I guess nobody with a good advice read this, I wish someone did though because I really need guidance from someone who knows this deal and business. Still, I'm happy I will be having two photoshoots soon, aside from all my insecurities and the fact that I know I'm selling a cheap product, I'm hopeful that this will be a good impulse for something bigger.

Inspiration, that is what is all about!

Lately I've been extremely interested in reading/watching all I can about photography. I've been going back and forth with my professional goals. When people ask me what I want to do with my Fine Arts degree once I graduate I always respond: "I want to pursue a career in animation or illustration to work as a concept artist for an animation/videogame company", and that would be great -I haven't dropped that goal- but lately I've felt more drawn to photography than before. To be honest I don't know why that it; I think that photography offers an immediate response to what you're looking for (considering you get the shot you want), and portraying the subject is more accurate. I guess whatever path I choose, I'll be glad. Call me a coward but I feel photography will pay my bills and I think it might be smart to focus on it; I am actually okay with that because I really enjoy photography.

The past few days I've been wandering through the internet, looking at great photographers and feeling inspired, so I want to share a few of the findings I've got lately.

Photograph by: BurlapZack

For example, this great portrait. I fell in love with it when I first saw it. Why? Well, just look at it! It's so fun and out of the ordinary. One of the things I love is the DOF, I mean, who doesn't love such a whimsical DOF like that? For portraiture I think it is fundamental to focus just on the subject and leave everything else to a big aperture's mercy, right? Besides, the quirkiness in it just makes me smile and I just want to be part of that day.

Marji Lang's photojournalistic photographs are amazing. They inspire me and make me want to travel as soon as I can. I can't show her photographs from flickr because downloading them is disabled but it's just a click away in this paragraph. To be honest, I envy anyone who can take their camera to dinamic places with rich architecture and interesting subjects to shoot like Hideaki Hamada for example:

Photo by: Hideaki Hamada

I love his photography and one of the main reasons is because when I think about Japan, I usually picture an urban, extremely busy environment, full of lights, movement, and many people. In Hamada's pictures I get to see a calmer and relaxed ambience which makes me feel warm. I enjoy his Haru and Mina series quite a lot too. I just simply feel inspired by his wonderful work, and the fact that he uses film (mostly I believe), makes it all a very nostalgic approach to his life as an individual in an extremely modernized and technologized society. 

Photo by: Benoit Paille

Another personal favorite, Benoit Paille. I particularly enjoy his Strangers project because even if it looks as simple as requesting a photo from a stranger and then leaving, the whole concept is deeper than that. Interacting with someone you don't know, asking something, and taking a picture to make a memorable moment in that person's life. 

Many other people inspire me and I think I might start posting inspiring photographers at least once a week just as a reminder of what I want to achieve, where I want to be. To me looking at other people's work, analyzing it, and criticizing it is learning. I can actually see how things are supposed to be done, or how they work better. To me it is crucial to look at all the posibilities I have; considering I live in a really dull city, I often feel frustrated for not finding an inspiring place to shoot a picture, especially a safe place. 

Life & Plans

So, last week I went to my cousin's wedding and took my camera. I was scared because it was twilight and there were just a few minutes left of light. I've been considering to promote my photography and get some money for school to pay for more credits and help my parents out but there's always something getting in the way, or just anything that scares me, like that awful thought "What if someone comissions you to shoot a wedding at night?", and I'm always answering myself "Well, I'll have to decline because I don't know how to take night portraits/use a flash, but most importantly, I don't own the proper equipment", and that's basically how I keep working and how I keep losing money. Many kids from my hometown are into this new wave of considering themselves professional photographers and most of them own great cameras and lenses, and stuff, others don't and still have the courage to sell poor photographs, only few take decent pictures. I know I sound bitchy but my point is I'm aware I could be a strong competition, the thing is, even if I feel like I might do well, I don't feel comfortable with my current skills, my lack of equipment, and most important, my ignorance on the topic. 

Okay, okay, I know I might sound like I'm fishing for compliments but I really am not! I'm a perfectionist with things that matter to me and I've always felt appeal for photography, that's one of the few things I can remember to like since childhood, and even after going through many creative blocks, I still find some time to capture something and play around with perspective/color/etc. What I want to say is that, I want to be 100% sure that my work is worth the money, I don't want to sell something mediocre, badly executed, blurry or simply wrong in every way an image is supposed to be composed (probably this last bit doesn't make any sense). Am I too obsessive? Am I wrong about this? 

Anyways, life. Weddings always make me think about the future, what is ahead and if I will succeed in whatever it is I want to do, but, weddings... weddings are weird. I remember when I was a little girl, I used to dream with the perfect dress, the perfect church, the perfect dance, and the perfect cake, now it is something that doesn't match with me at all. If I ever get married I want it to be comfortable and without social restrictions, I want my friends and family to choose whatever they want to wear and eat whatever they want to eat. It's just so curious how many people end up doing the same things with slight changes, right? I don't know, I guess I want to have a busy life before getting married, I want to know what's ahead before comitting, I might even have kids first before getting married.

Growing up is so hard but I suppose it's harder for those who watched you grow, isn't it? Whatever, I'll post the pictures, that's what matters! :)

I guess it is all so ephemeral, better make the stay fun I suppose. About the pictures, I think they turned out better than I was expecting (still, I think they're awful, terrible lighting, lack of equipment, lack of skills, repeat) but I will try to experiment as much as I can to improve!

Thanks for reading/watching even if you don't say hi! 

Childhood is hauting.

To me home is where I find my memories. You know, I've been having the need to travel lately (since I've been 15ish) because whenever I get to read someone's blog or someone's photographs, I always wonder why I was born here in a city where only violence is happening and ephimeral events are held. I mean, I'm tired of seeing the same streets and I could probably go out there and take pictures, I know I haven't explored the whole city but I guess I'm just too scared to go outside with my camera considering México's situation right now, which leads me to my childhood.

Sup! My name is Martha Beatriz, most people call me Martha while just a few use my second name, whatever name you use is fine by me. So, it's been a while since I've been trying to write a blog mostly because whenever I'm lurking the internet I always have something to talk about (most of the time is not very positive). Today I thought "well, why won't you write all your nonsense somewhere and stop bugging your friends/boyfriend with your repetitive rants?", so I listened to that inner voice and decided to make a fresh start.